Avoiding OK Cupid's Arrows

So, many people say to me, "I don't understand why you are you single. Have you tried online dating?"

The answer is yes. Obviously, yes. I am a member of the 21st century and am (somewhat) adept at incorporating technology into my everyday life. (I have a blog, right?) So of course I've tried online dating and the results have been, let's just say, less than desirable.

My "favorite" response (and yes, I am using the quotation marks ironically) was when someone actually sent me a message asking, "You are a man, right?" Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing a girl wants to read. (And seriously, have you seen my boobs? I mean, everyone knows I'm a chick.) And there's always the generic cut-and-paste response that a guy has clearly sent out to a multitude of women hoping just one -- JUST ONE -- will garner a response. It's like he's throwing a crap-load of bait into the water assuming there's at least one fish in the school that's too stupid not to bite. Today, one gentleman sent me a message that just said, "Hi." Um, ok, are you two years old? Because that's the kind of social interaction I'd expect out of a toddler.

To be fair, a few responses have been more than normal and even, dare I say, witty? To those, if I have the time, I try and respond because a well-thought-out, educated and amusing response deserves a reply, even if it's just to validate the effort. But mostly, the messages go something like this (and yes, this is a real message but I've left off the name to protect the ridiculous):

HI

is anyone accompanying you to Kilimanjaro?

I think your hot and very desireable.


I love kissing and spoiling my girl just because.

Where to begin. Is it the incorrect use of capital and lowercase letters? Obviously, there's the misspelled use of the word "your" (you're), which any intelligent woman would immediately roll her eyes at and the misspelling of the word, desirable. However, where you really lose me is the last sentence -- why is it that guys think that "girls" (by the way, I'm 39 and clearly qualify as a woman) want to be spoiled? Blech, yuck, ick and any other retching sound I can make that approximates the act of fake vomiting.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Therefore, I have decided to continue to dedicate this space to sharing the good, bad and ugly of the online dating world with the public to shed light on the challenges of being a 39-year-old dating in the modern era. Enjoy.

(And if you know a great man in the LA area who is funny, witty and kind -- and single, he's got to be single -- please share. It's not cool to keep these kind of things to yourself.)